Is it really a win?

There were days simply surviving was a huge win And it turned into 1% better everyday was a win Now I don’t want myself to be seen again I ripped my life apart Harder than you ripped my heart apart So the scales won’t blame on your heart What do you do when you have no life to live In fact you have to live! What do I do Star gazing, writing, drawing, Drinking, meditating, mountain climbing You name it, I did them all Spent weeks with monkeys and leeches Trying to find myself again, As if there was anything left to find I did two things, The most terrible and the most precious I took my life and gave birth to another To someone supposed not to know you Jesus turned water into vine I wanted to turn you into mine I think my mind was nine No don’t ask, now I’m (not) fine I met someone! No no no, I can’t fall in love She was casted from heaven to stole my heart I’m falling! Wait, I pinched myself to wake up And Cleaned my glasses To see through the daydreams I’ve being seen Days, weeks, months and eventually turn into years of time The more you hate, the more I love You still visit me in dreams somehow ‘Turn her into literature’ What else can I really do? But to write poems about me and you You… You! Yes you! Now I ask myself, is it really a win, When you’re not my next of kin I’m getting bad at this now Perhaps I was never good, I’m many things but not a poet I’m gonna keep writing to you anyhow I can’t give you moon or stars But I give you my heart, For it lives inside of me The greatest thing I can offer And you’ll never need a key To set me free…